Well sha I just stumbled on the news that this delectable
beauty just turned 33 and would be celebrating her birthday in England, far
away from me. Since she has decided to carry herself that far, let me quickly
let her know my intentions towards her before one person out there without
papers pour sand sand for my garri.
Linda Baby, I have spoken to you on a few occasions, I am
that Investment Banker who has been trying to get you to partner with one of my
clients. Each time I call, you will pick the phone and in a smooth chocolaty
voice turn down my request. I will just smile cos I know that you really do not
understand the opportunity you are missing.
One day as I was doing some research, I stumbled on the
valuation of your blog and I screamed. I decided to pursue you through other
means. Since you no gree business, let me kuku chase you. If you become my
girlfriend, we can build a family business with me as the Chairman and you as
my deputy.
I am offering you the opportunity to be a Calabar wife. This
position comes with so much perks, that all your friends will die with envy.
First after capturing you, I will send you to Uyo to my mama, so she will teach
you the fine art of pounding yam and cooking Afang. You will need these skills
to build a successful career in my house. This would take you a whole four
weeks, because as I see you so, we would need to build your muscles first
before we start. Ma Calabar will also have to teach you how to pull out
periwinkle from its shell.
When you are through, you will now come back to Lagos and be
introduced to your senior wife, who will also teach you the wonderful culinary
skills of boiling Indomie. Now this has to be taken seriously, because it’s the
only thing I eat after work. You will also be involved in school runs, so the Nanny
can rest a bit. You will sleep on the floor as I do not expect your senior
would allow you share our bed just yet. You will remove the wigs and revert to
Calabar braids, cut your nails and start using palm oil for your skin.
At 33, you are at the ripe age to join the family business.
All these blog thing will have to stop, I don’t like the exposure. You will be
involved in selling Garri. You have all it takes to make the business grow. You
can talk and you have long hands that would be useful in dipping inside the bag
while measuring the kondo as you sell.
You will not call me by name, you will always refer to me as
Baba Etekamba and you must kneel each time you bring food for me to eat. You
will never dish my food but you will be the expert in charge of serving it. You
will also work closely with the driver to ensure that all the cars are in tip
top shape. You will be allocated the only tokunbo car in the garage for your
use, when you are going to the market.
This whole thing is looking very exciting, kindly send your
application letter, stating very clearly, ‘ ‘Application to marry you Sir’. You
can send it through Aloba, because he would be on the panel that would
scrutinize your request and recommend your engagement or otherwise. Teeheee!!!!
Happy birthday my darling and God bless you and give you
many more fruitful years. The wicked will not see you and you will continue to
be a beacon of hope in our society. Stay blessed.
Source : Maestro Blogspot
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